I’ll tell you what; It is hard work blogging more than once in a week. I feel like a chain smoker on a chain gang trying to keep up. I haven’t blogged this frequently since the unemployment days.
Speaking of unemployment, they say the best thing to do at a job interview is “sell yourself”. The problem with selling yourself is that everyone is subjective, whether for better or worse. Some people think they’re the bee’s knees, shoulders, head, and toes. Other people would omit themselves from a list of the top billion people on the planet. Therefore, as a guy, there’s only one way to objectively evaluate myself: By seeing how I’d be sold at a sperm bank.
EYE SIGHT – Although stylish, his plastic frame eyeglasses hardly mask the fact that he is virtually blind without corrective lenses. His prescription is continually spirally downward, with new lenses needed every 2 years or so.
HAIR – He recently tweezed his first gray out of the left side of his head above his ear, but overall the density and coverage area of his head follicles are good and his widow’s peak is an endearing recessive trait.
METABOLISM – Currently not fat, has the tendency to gain weight rapidly when working at all you can eat buffets. Will never have a six-pack but, on the plus side, lacks the Wilford Brimley disease ( The Diabetes ). Also wishes he had Wilford Brimley’s moustache (** see BRAIN FUNCTION )
JOINTS – Doesn’t smoke them anymore. But seriously, pretty solid except for occasional horror movie sounding knee creakage from Tennis playing days (** see ATHLETICISM ).
BRAIN FUNCTION – Performs generally well on standardized tests but shows a propensity to operate well below maximum capacity. Possibly motivated by a fear of it crashing like his old laptop computer. However, can recall minute details from superfluous conversations.
ATHLETICISM – Pick your synonym of choice for average
BLOOD TYPE – No idea. Passed out and started convulsing the only time he ever tried to give blood
So I’m not sure what the going rate for sperm is these days, but I’d at least like to think (subjectively) that it’s somewhere between the American Dollar and British Pound. As long as it’s not one of those currencies where a million something equals a dime. And to my female readers(-s), anyone who says women aren’t valued like men in society, just look at the going rate for eggs compared to sperm. This is why I’ve always been a proponent of mass vasectomies to decrease supply and increase demand.
WHAT ARE YOUR EGGS/SPERM WORTH?
