Look, I’m not going to pretend that I know what it’s like to be homeless. The closest I’ve ever come is getting too intoxicated to remember where I live and dredging through a creek on my circuitous way home. Not knowing when or what ( the McDonald’s Dollar Menu is a gift and a curse ) your next meal will be has to be demoralizing. Not to mention the myriad of catch-22′s standing in the way of gainful employment ( i.e. needing a suit to go to a job interview in order to get a job to make money, but needing money in order to buy a suit ). There’s rarely a quick fix to individual homelessness, and the issue as a whole will probably never be eradicated.
But enough of the problems. Like I said, I’m not a homeless person, nor a professional life coach. However, these are a few of the things I’d do if I were homeless and it seemed like it was going to last for awhile ( There are some people I’ve been walking by to and from work for over a year now ):
1. Keep it Sunny – Why the heck do you want to stay in Buffalo or Detroit in the Winter if you’re homeless? What is keeping you there? Ostensibly, if you had family or friends ties there they would be helping you out and not letting you live on the streets. So with no reason to stay, get out of Dodge ( unless Dodge is in Florida or California ).
2. Hobo on the Run – Kind of going along with Keeping it Sunny, I’d keep it moving. You have no job, no bills to pay, no commitments. Why not take a vacation around the country? I don’t know about you, but usually when I step in dog crap I don’t stay standing in it enjoying the fumes. I step out of it as quickly as possible and find greener grass to wipe my feet clean. If things aren’t developing in Missouri for you, why not pay Nebraska a visit? Another benefit to this philosophy is more anonymity ( you’re not known by name as “Humphrey the Hobo” at the local precinct, but rather just “that guy” ). Once people identify you as homeless, there’s a stigma attached to it no matter how often you shower. By nomading the homelessness, you’re buying yourself at least 2 to 3 days at each new town before people realize you’re not wearing the same shirt everyday for irony.
3. You live outdoors / That’s your in – I don’t know about you, but to me there’s not really a difference between what a homeless person looks like and what someone who works at a Camping/Outdoor store looks like. In many cases the homeless person will be less unkempt ( because no matter how hard you try to make it happen, dreadlocks will never be in for white people dude ). Really, the only difference is the Outdoor store person paid $75 for their high performance, distressed, earth tones t-shirt while the homeless person’s white t-shirt turned beige through a natural staining process ( Tide-To-Go is a bourgeoisie luxury y’all ). I’d be applying to these stores first and foremost. Casual work attire, lax facial hair regulations, employee discounts on tents and long lasting energy bars. What’s not to like? At least take the hourly wage and save up until you can afford to buy that suit for a real job. Also, any organic food co-op would be my second choice for a starter job. They won’t be able to tell if the strong odor is from you or the wheatgrass shots they’re making at the juice bar in the back.
4. Abuse the Library System – Libraries are a great resource and a decades old staple of homeless people. But staying in Buffalo reading Jane Eyre and Stephanie Meyer books all day is violating my Hobo On The Run mantra. Library cards are still one of the easiest things to obtain. And I don’t think different states or counties exactly cross check other library databases for overdue books out of their jurisdiction. So stockpile those library cards my friend and grab a couple new releases in Albuquerque and Denver. Remember, it’s not stealing, it’s JUST overdue.
My biggest regret in writing this post is realizing homeless people are going to have a hard time finding my blog ( especially since people who actually own computers don’t even read it ). Oh well. Be generous y’all and give a dollar now and then ( or buy a “Street Sense” newspaper if you’re in the DC area ).
WHAT WOULD YOU DO IF YOU WERE HOMELESS?
Dude, if I were homeless I’d like to think I’d have enough fight in me to actually try to find a job. There are a lot of places that will not hire if you don’t have the paper work. I get that. BUT, provided there aren’t any real issues that have mad me homeless and would also make me not able to work (drug or alcohol problem?), there are also a lot of businesses that pay people under the table. I’ve done that before.
I’d probably also be one of those bold people who danced or played instruments to try to make a bit of cash.
And of course, I’d head your keep it sunny rule. Definitely live where it’s warm.
Glad I stumbled across your blog from Melissa Nibbles. I’ve enjoyed what I’ve read so far.. and it isn’t on food, wahoo!
Thanks. I’ll try to steer clear of food. Beer on the other hand = fair game
If they make it to the library, they have access to the internet and can read your blog.
Hopefully you’re right. All though from my college experience, they’re usually too busy trying to get past the firewall to adult websites. Just kidding, there was no firewall in college.